Marriage, Relationships

Taking the First Step towards Being a Great Husband


No matter how wild your hormones run in your adolescence, there will be times when you will need to keep them under check and prove that you are good husband, and matured enough to handle the responsibilities that are being entrusted to you. And it’s not just in matters of profession and finance that you need to prove your worth; you need to be a capable person even in personal relationship.

An ideal husband would never sacrifice one aspect of his life in pursuit of another, and remain deprived of one type of honour always. For example, let’s take a man whose only passion in life is taking care of his family, especially his children. For this reason, he doesn’t work as efficiently as he must, he takes off work more often than liked, and he has no ambition to grow professionally which leaves him stuck at the same designation for a decade.

On the other hand, we have a man who is intent on making it big in the world of business, and he neglects his parents and loved ones, including his friends who had helped him get where he is currently, on a large scale. He never has time to go on dates with his partner, and he has forgotten to wish his parents for the past five years on their birthdays and anniversaries.

In both the above examples, there is someone being hurt or ignored for no fault of theirs. It is easy enough to be inspired to do the wrong things in life, take short cuts that are beneficial to us but do us harm in the long run. If you have the willingness and eagerness to become a gentleman but aren’t sure how to go about initiating the process, then here are some helpful tips for you:

  1. Look Around – Focusing just on yourself and your problems in life tends to suck out the goodness and positivity in you. There are few people who are born with absolutely zero moral indicators within them. Such people are unfortunately gentlemen only when it suits them. They cannot be considered as role models. They are instead wolves who wear the cloak of gentlemanliness to meet their goals. Such people should definitely not be your source of inspiration.


Instead, look around and find people who have all the values that have been mentioned (and will be discussed a little later in the book). Make them your role models and make them a part of your daily lives. And don’t forget to look around you in an observant, intelligent manner. Remember, there are two types of intelligence. One is intellectual intelligence that makes you learned, an expert in matters you educate yourself about. But emotional intelligence is equally important, sometimes even more!


A true gentleman will possess both forms of intelligence and put them to good use. And you know what happens when you are observant of your surroundings? You become more emotionally intelligent. You don’t miss out on opportunities to display honour, courtesy, bravery, and conscientiousness.


  1. De-Stress – Men, women, and even children react in totally unexpected manners when they are under a lot of stress and for a long period of time. Stress does no one any good – you make yourself miserable and also influence those around you in a negative manner. There is an important question you need to ask yourself at the end of a day you considered was a bad one – was it a bad day, or did you milk a bad 5 minutes the whole day to make it so? See – there is a lot of difference in these two concepts, isn’t there?


A person willing to inculcate the traits necessary to be a good gentleman will learn how to tame his mind and bad responses. Instead, he will focus on productive duties, and attaining tranquillity of mind so he can be a better person at all times. De-stressing methods such as meditation, going for walks and jogs, engaging in productive hobbies, taking vacations with loved ones, eating healthy, and sleeping for the required number of hours goes a long way in helping you become a good husband.


  1. Believe in Yourself – A man who doesn’t cherish himself is setting the path up which evil thoughts, people, and forces can easily walk up and captivate his mind. If you don’t have faith in yourself and your abilities, if you don’t believe in the goodness of being a gentleman, then you wouldn’t put in the efforts you must in order to achieve your goal. If you think that you are better off the way you are now and that there is no requirement or scope for improvement, then you will never look at the bigger picture of being a good father and husband.


  1. Value Others – When do you want to be a good person? There are two reasons why one usually does a selfless deed. First, when a person is happy when they see others happy, and they do what makes others happy. Two – When they respect and love them enough to know that they are in need of something, even if it is something as simple as a hug or just some companionship. You get a reason to improve yourself when you start respecting other people, animals, and even inanimate objects for what they are worth.


If there is a person who is deceitful and poses to be in need of help, you need to be smart enough to learn to refuse them in a polite manner. But if there is a person who genuinely needs some help from you, and you can offer it, then you must consider them important enough to take the initiative to offer help.


  1. Read Up – The internet is available for low prices in almost every part of the world. There are innumerable books that talk about how a gentleman was praised for his traits. Invest some money in sources which teach you how to be a genuine gentleman, and start following the steps given in them gradually. See if they are having a positive effect on you and those around you, and continue with the ones that have a positive impact.


  1. Opportunities – Do remember that certain things may work favourably to some people and only at certain places, but not at all times and for everyone. So be careful how you out to use the techniques you learn about being a gentleman.


Let’s understand this with a simple example. Let’s say your religion requires you to wear a piece of cloth on you at all times, say in the form of a hat or a turban or a shawl. Now, when you visit a holy shrine, you will be looked upon favourably if you wear this article of clothing. Do remember that just wearing outwardly symbols of religion doesn’t make you a religious person; practicing the teachings for the betterment of humans is true devotion to religion! But that’s a different matter altogether.


Coming back to our example – be an honourable man by behaving and attiring yourself in an appropriate manner. But if you come across a person who is in need of you some cloth, say a person who has met with an accident and needs something to control the bleeding, then don’t hesitate to be courteous offer your religious piece of cloth. Even God would love it if you prove to be a good man in such instances! Such habits would help you make the right choices at home too, when you have to make yourself a little stern and sometimes make a decision that not everyone at home likes, but which is necessary for the good of the family.


  1. Your Companions – Finally, let’s talk about the people you associate yourself with. Men who only believe in moaning about the wrong in their lives without talking about constructive things that can be done to improve them are prime examples of people you should avoid. Not only do they do themselves any favour, they in all likelihood will make depress you, hold you back, or discourage you from becoming a gentleman. Those who are positive and men who are gentlemen themselves will be able to guide you, and correct you when you are wrong. Make sure you spend more time in such people’s company without being rude to other people, even if they are not good natured.


  1. Share Responsibilities – There is a very incorrect notion that’s settled in the minds of most people – the onus of binding together and taking care of the family lies solely with the females of the family. The men just need to earn enough money for the household, and that’s where his responsibilities towards the family come to an end.


In this modern age, when most women are also now engaged in professional activities, a man must learn to shoulder his share of household activities to be a loving and understanding husband. Pitch in with the dishes or clothes’ washing once in a while, offer to take care of your children or elderly relatives at home while your wife takes some time off and meets her friends or goes out for a party. Help your wife with some grocery shopping once in a while; who knows – you may use that as an opportunity to pick up some bottles of wine or beer to help your wife and you unwind after a hectic and re-kindly your romance! Be an empathetic father to your children and don’t just make their upbringing your wife’s responsibility.

The starting point of becoming a good husband lies within your mind, but there are external factors too that can help you on your journey. You must cultivate the wit and willingness to choose from such options rather than succumbing to the weak and negative options. Your mind and your body will work together in starting this task and see through it till the end! And once you become a good husband, you will continue to be one for the rest of your life. We all know that once we learn cycling, we never forget it. True – we may get a bit rusty and fall off cycles if we ride them after a gap of say 5-7 years. But we will never forget the art of cycling completely ever.

Being a good husband is similar to cycling in this aspect – you never stop being one, and people can recognize this from miles afar. Plus, it becomes a force of habit rather than you forcing yourself to do it. Just get started, enjoy the journey, and you will never forget to be one. The benefit is that not only are you a popular guy at home, you’ll be the source of envy to many other male friends of yours because they’d all wish to have a happy family like yours! Your wife would be adorably in love with you, and you would enjoy having your family’s love and support around you at all times like a warm cocoon!

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