Relationship Problems

The Psyche of Getting Together

What another human can make you do and feel!

“There there – get over him already, he’s not interested anymore, and it’s been three weeks!” – exclaimed the friend.
But she was just not ready to accept. He had made her feel so loved! So secure! Maybe it was all a misunderstanding after all. He was the one! There could be no one like him.

We all crave for relationships, which are real and make us feel happy, and when we have them, we want them to last forever and ever. This is when we are not sure what’s going to happen the next moment. Such hypocrisy!

Mind games
Our subconscious leads our way into and out of love. There is a set criterion in our heads, which is a result of past experiences, successes, and failures with people. Our mind creates an image of what type of a mate we are looking for, and the funny part is, we are mostly unaware of this image. Why we pick someone from the crowd or why our eye is appealed by a certain “type” is because maybe we need someone of that kind to balance out our own insufficiency – maybe I’m not bold enough, so my subconscious pulls me closer to someone who is. Nature balances out everyone.

Once we have that kind of person attracted to us, the influences of him or her start to affect us deeply. Their rights and their wrongs become a part of our own value system. The mind is the first one to get influenced – thoughts begin to imitate our partner’s, this is a way of the subconscious to become better adjusted to the person and finding favor with them so that they don’t go away. Mirroring their actions which are their good parts, the mind drives us to do the same, and it all settles down in subconsciously influencing the counterpart.

Your wish is my command
Basically, you are doing what they would perhaps like – this comes as subconscious signals as well as from clues they drop in conversation, knowingly or unknowingly. The mind recipient of all these signals is in overdrive of emotion, fuelled by hormones and the body acts accordingly. There is a gratification of some kind in the horizon, and this makes the urge to please the other stronger.

Love is a drug – literally
Studies show that the brain behaves in love, exactly like it behaves when the person is addicted to drugs. They say the passion of feeling nice around the loved one, i.e. the high one gets from being with a loved one can be even more powerful than the urge to have sex. This is at its peak until the loved one is still afar – the pursuer has not yet achieved the loved one or had a commitment from them. The moment this happens, the brain signals the body to relax a bit, meaning, the passionate love fades, but there is a growing sense of security, bonding, and comfort of friendship. This has been concluded by looking at MRI scans and brain behavior patterns of many men and women who claimed to be intensely in love with their partner since a range of ten to twenty years.

Men are from Mars; women are from Venus
Here, a demarcation may be made in the way a man’s mind behaves from a woman’s. Men are more logical when it comes to love. They better understand their emotions and the cues the mind provides them with in order to get the woman they desire to love them back or respond in some way. They work in direct terms and like a good challenge. They are extremely responsive to negative reactions, and even if the woman would not even feel a thing, they might shut off to her as the brain quickly senses the lack of positive energy in the woman. Women, on the other hand, are highly dependent on the world’s most powerful game changer – the hormone Estrogen. She is extremely sensitive but prefers to leave it for the man to decide the course of the relationship. A woman is also non-confrontational by nature, as she subconsciously fears breakdown, violence and any form of adrenalin reaction going berserk. This is the way her mind is constructed.

Love is but a puzzle, a game of the mind

All that said, the human mind is a miracle, and love is a feeling so complex, it can take forever to deduce why people behave in a certain way when they are in love.

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